Biggest Fear: Exposed

Between homework, dinner prep and laundry, I discovered a new person to "like" on Facebook.  His name is Taylor Mali--he is teacher/poet/comedian/essayist--and he's hilarious.  I've watched many of his youtube videos, not to waste time, mind you, but because he helps me with my homework.  You see, his cadence is so catching, so appealing, so evangelistic, in fact, that now everything I read has his voice in it.  So while Howard Gardner's "5 Minds" is engaging on its own, read by the voice of Taylor Mali in my head--it is exciting, exuberant, enlightening.

I had to try this on other books, to see if it transferred--Atwell, Chesterton, Real Simple magazine, and yes Dr. Seuss--all take on a higher meaning, greater significance, exhilarating elevation of the psyche where everything and nothing are assigned greater degrees of revelatory joy.  It's a key, this cadence.  And I'm afraid I'm going to need keys for the foregone eventuality of thinness in the days to come.

What is the biggest fear I have of thindom?  Well, there is the whole kidnapping thing, WHICH, by the way, I made up 20 years ago--long before the advent of the bumper sticker.  But that's not it.  And there is the fear that I won't have an excuse for failure--that's very deep and real for some people--but it's not mine.  Fear of becoming so attractive to men that I will act like a hootchie mama?  Huh-uh.  I attract men now--okay, so maybe they're weird men with fat fetishes, but it's no less real.  And I'm still faithful.  No, my biggest fear, that which has kept me from thindom, lo these many, many years, is just this:  world domination.

That seemed a little anti-climactic, so I'll reword it:  WORLD DOMINATION.  There it is.  It's out there for all the world to see. 

I don't really suffer from low self esteem, food issues or emotional eating issues most of the time.  In fact, I admit to having a heightened sense of self.  I see myself as tall, thin, smart, confident, witty, powerful, engaging and persuasive.  Being fat is really the only thing that keeps me humble.  And where will I be when that humility is gone?  I'll tell you where--I will be trying to take over the world.  Even if I have to dye my hair blonde to do it.

So there you have it--my biggest fear right off the bat.  Kind of like confession--confess the biggest sins first and the rest is easy.  We will go on to lesser fears, and for my thin readers--God bless your little anorexic hearts--I will have some advice to share if you happen to be friends with a fat person.  And fat people, don't worry, we will make fun of that, too.